Day 15: Operation Awesomeness

The Email:I know you can not prevent getting sick but just so we're clear these two workouts were not intended to be back to back... There was going to be a nice recovery run in between. Not that you or anyone else cares and you're going to assume I'm just a sadistic SOB that I am....so whatever, Our friendship will be fine.

 

Go to the football field (which I understand isn't lined). Drop your water bottle at what would be the goal line and begin taking large, not exaggerated, steps and drop a cone every 12 steps that you take. Drop10 total cones and you will have now constructed your field for today.

 

The workout:

Start on your stomach and army crawl (use of arms only! lower limbs including one hip must remain in contact with the grass at all times. You may help push off with your knee but no crawling) to the first cone. once there 10 pushups, 10 air squats pick up the cone and sprint back to water bottle.

Hit the deck and repeat to the second cone. 9 pushups, 9 air squats pick up the cone and sprint to the water bottle.

End once you can descended down that ladder to the final cone and 1 rep of each.

 

Kill it!. I mean... don't come back until you're dead! 

~Sully

The Equipment:

Before I begin, I must warn you that this story is not for the feint at heart. It is a tale of heroism, sacrifice, and a story about crawling around on your belly. It is a rescue mission of sorts. I am Captain Christopher Mark of the Imaginary black hawks, An elite infantry unit deployed on this particular evening to rescue 10 hostages from the grasslands of Cranston. The twist to this story was that the grasslands in Cranston are unlike any place our unit had be deployed before.  It is filled with in ground sprinkler heads, always eager to spit its venom in your direction. The locals are always curious into your every move, often needing a moment of flamboyancy to misdirect before resuming their daily activities, most often consisting of walking while staring, a strange phenomenon known only to this area. On this particular night, my first objective was to deploy my home base within the targeted "End zone". My intel suggested that our hostages were staged in the grasslands, held in captivity in equidistant zones and would need to be extracted in waves, one at a time.

My first extraction, I belly crawled up to the holding facility. Strangely I came to an apparatus that needed push ups and squats to open, Which I did in quick succession before finding hostage 1 and sprinting back to the LZ for extraction. quickly back to my belly, I crawled to the second holding facility where I found a similar lock to the first, but requiring one less of each to open. This continued throughout my mission at each holding facility. Now the details of the hostages and their reason for captivity are still highly classified but I will tell you that they were all beautiful women and all shared a first name, Barbie. Must have been a sick maniac hard up to capture all the barbies out there. 

Mid mission, I was diverted away from my objective when a local approached me, looking to interrogate me and my intent. Using mind control tactics, I began to reminisce about the Vietnam war and how the next apocalypse was quickly approaching. I then explained to the woman that my "game" was simple training for the upcoming invasion. The mind tactics worked as the local quickly ended her interrogation and let me on my way. After rescuing 7 of the 10 hostages, I was discovered by the enemy and attacked. Their weapons were no match for me and I made quick work of them:

In total, I rescued all 10 maidens and returned them to safety. I did it in 52 minutes, most impressive given that each belly crawl was more than a mile. 

The After Story: In hindsight, this could not have been a better workout for me yesterday. after some last minute babysitter availability, Kerri and I had an opportunity to be kid-less (we did have the baby, but she still only eats, poops and sleeps, so she is still cool to keep around) and took full advantage of it. This meant another evening workout. I spent the day with this workout in my mind, trying to find a way to make the ridiculous over the top so that any possible embarrassment would be transformed into hysterics. I instantly went into Black Hawk Down mode, thinking of every possible item I had at home to make this as real as possible. Having 3 girls, there are an abundance of barbie dolls strewn about the house, making my pickup items easy to identify. packing my water and my dolls, I then shot out to reenact my version of Saving Private Ryan, Saving Barbie's privates. The old staring lady was there again, and I was happy to oblige again, randomly pretending to throw hand grenades and taking cover, even fireman carrying the dolls as if they were live people during the return sprints. The one woman brave enough to approach me to ask what I was doing might have been better off not asking. In my explanation to her, I may have channeled some Uncle Si from duck dynasty (A man I aspire to be when I grow old. Mostly because he is bat shit crazy!!) Here is how the conversation MAY have gone (this is the best clip I could find on Si explaining Vietnam):

All in all a good day. I laughed all night and even spent most of Sunday morning early laughing about what happened. Its one for the books...